Jester’s 10 NFL Commandments
Jesterville, Fl. – Jester’s 10 NFL Commandments might seem like I am coming down off my high horse again.
I can assure you, I am not.
I am coming off Mt. Sinai, and long flights, bringing you God’s word. The football God that is.
Like an Adam Rank Cake Shake Fantasy Football league, only few get the calling.
In every sport there are unwritten rules.
It was last night I got the calling. Which was weird in itself, God doesn’t do callings anymore…I got a text. I wanted to ask how he got my number, but thought better.
I guess he felt sorry for me.
As if it wasn’t bad enough that the first game of the season was going to be our ….ugh…defending…I have to say this all year?? ugh…our Deffffffffe…I can’t I just can’t.
The things you have to do in life.
As if it wasn’t bad enough that the first game of the season was going to be our defending Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles…and it was going to be delayed. It was a snooze fest. At least for me, it looked like most of the first games of the season do…still not 100%.
That’s what happens when we play two hand touch, patty cake and duck-duck-goose, in the preseason now.
So I get the calling.
Which was a lil disappointing at first. I thought it was when I called people…well never mind what I thought.
So I get this calling, texting, whatever you want to call it. God asks me to come over.
You really don’t say no. So I pack my bag and head to the airport. After a layover, I finally get to Mt. Sanai. I’m waiting.
So I text him back, “Here”.
He says he doesn’t see me, but I know better. I say, I’m here at the Mt. and don’t see you. That’s when he explains he gave up his place in the mountains. He tells me how he got a good deal on one of Bin Laden’s old caves. How he wanted his “man cave” to be a real cave. So, he tells me how to get there. When I get there, I have to admit…not because it’s God, but it was a helluva…I mean a great man cave.
So after some wine, cheese and crackers, (I’m glad he added the cheese) we got into talking sports.
He’s a big football fan. He’s actually a big sports fan, period.
I did ask him to explain why, if he loves hockey, is Bettmen the commissioner.
Now that I think about it, he never answered that one.
But he does love football. So, I took this opportunity to tell him some of what I have seen among the masses and asked him to help. He asked me if I realized there would be people who wouldn’t believe I spoke to him. I was in a weird place at that point. I had to explain something…to God? I told him there are people who can’t believe I dye my beard, saying I talked to you will be par for the course.
I will never forget the look on his face.
Then he says,
I am Football Thy GOD…I give you these 10 Football Commandments!
They apply to everyone who loves football!
They are for the gamers!
They are for the fantasy managers!
They are for everyone!
I start looking around. God asks, “What are you looking for?” I explain I was looking for where he had the stone tablets. I’m already thinking of what it might be like getting stone tablets through TSA.
WHAT? I’m not going to let them out of my sight and hope they don’t get lost with the luggage.
But it seems I’m getting ahead of myself anyway. God says, “You simple-minded fool. Who uses stone tablets anymore? I have a meme generator on my phone. I just sent you two memes. Now go out and share those memes with the masses.”
It was a good visit. On my way home, I questioned why I wouldn’t think God would be tech savvy. It is with a sense of duty, I give you….
The Ten Commandments of Football
Thanks for playing along.
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